- police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!
- me: not with that attitude
CUTEST PROPOSAL EVER
- tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
- new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
- tourist: oh you think your clever???
- new yorker: what
- tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
- new yorker: oh... oh god i'm so sor
- tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
- the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
Hello? Hello, yes. This thing working? Alright then, good, good. Okay. So.
I need you to pay very close attention. Yes, you. Reading this right now on your laptop or your tablet or your multi-dimensional interface pad. Have those come out yet? Right, sorry. Yes. Very, very close attention. Because something big is happening. Right now. And you’re a part of it.

